Our block is pretty awesome kid-wise. Of the 30 or so houses, there's about a dozen kids, with about 7 four or under. We are always in someone's front yard - most everyone even has their toys in the front/side yards. Last night, a bunch of the kids and parents were out, the kids racing up and down the sidewalks as the parents talk. There were even kids from another block here (They know where the action is).
There was a new kid out, whom the one neighbor indentified as living on the corner. He was 10, 12 or so. All the other neighbors exclaimed that they had never seen him. I knew there was a guy and a Weimaraner in the house. The guy and the dog are out in the yard ALL the time. I have never seen the kid. And the neighbor confirmed that he lives there full time, just plays int he basement all the time, which has its windows heavily covered (with those rubber playmat thingies). No one could believe it. They have lived there for four (or two? - it's ont he Serenity timeline so who knows) years.
The kid did look very pale, especially considering it's the end of summer.
All I could wonder: did they suffer a death of a child? Or the mother? An accident? or a kidnapping?
This colors my world.
And I try not to be overly freaky about Beanie.
But it is going to happen.
Sunday 31 March 2013
Wednesday 27 March 2013
HTC
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Monday 25 March 2013
Nokia
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Friday 22 March 2013
Letting Go
As I was catching up on others' posts, I read that having children is about letting them go.
It's been two years and five months since Serenity died. These last five months I am letting Serenity go more and more. As the strangle-hold that grief has on me slowly slackens, I am also able to let the memory of Serenity come and go without pangs of dread, deep sorrow, or guilt. I think of her, but the thoughts are not so intrusive or gut-wrenching as they once were.
Even though Serenity is dead, I still have to practice this truism of parenting. I must let her go off on her own.
It's been two years and five months since Serenity died. These last five months I am letting Serenity go more and more. As the strangle-hold that grief has on me slowly slackens, I am also able to let the memory of Serenity come and go without pangs of dread, deep sorrow, or guilt. I think of her, but the thoughts are not so intrusive or gut-wrenching as they once were.
Even though Serenity is dead, I still have to practice this truism of parenting. I must let her go off on her own.
Tuesday 19 March 2013
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iPOD I
Every time we put Bea to sleep, we turn on a lullaby CD. I often think of her sister as I push play, as I bought this CD,-alarm clock-nature sound machine for Serenity. It even has a connection for the first iPOD shuffle. I don't think the new iPODs will connect.
My daughter is left back there, in the time of the first iPOD shuffle.
***
I finally turned on the radio channel that plays Christmas music all day.
Has my spirit finally gotten the holiday season memo?
I've gone crazy with getting ornaments for the girls. One set arrived yesterday, and my ornament swap ones are in the mail. I can't wait. I also bought a remembrance one and a baby first christmas one from Hallm@rk. We will put our tree up in two weeks.
This year I decided to do a photo card. (Yes, we've become those people). But, some folks might like to see what Triple S and I look like these days too. And I've always liked getting ones from others... Do you guys want me to post it, so you can see it?
***
In case you are looking for a lullaby CD, this is the one we have. I don't know if it works for Beanie, but it puts me to sleep:
Chinese Lullabies by Beijing Angelic Choir (I bought it on Am@zon). This video has lyrics in the comments:
***
I went to the dentist today to get yet another cavity filled (I am cursed with bad teeth - I hope Bea gets her dad's teeth). Bea cried the whole time that the receptionist held her.
Attached much? I know she'll outgrow this phase, but it's a tough one. And I know it will be worth it, this little blip of demand, in the connection between mother and daughter. I want her to know that her mama is here for her, that I'll listen to tween pains and teen angst. She won't remember that when she was 8 months old, her mama was with her 24 hours a day. But I hope that she'll come to me with her troubles. That she'll know she can rely on me.
And she is quite adventurous at home. She scoots around everywhere, looking back periodically at me. With a winning smile. That melts my heart.
My daughter is left back there, in the time of the first iPOD shuffle.
***
I finally turned on the radio channel that plays Christmas music all day.
Has my spirit finally gotten the holiday season memo?
I've gone crazy with getting ornaments for the girls. One set arrived yesterday, and my ornament swap ones are in the mail. I can't wait. I also bought a remembrance one and a baby first christmas one from Hallm@rk. We will put our tree up in two weeks.
This year I decided to do a photo card. (Yes, we've become those people). But, some folks might like to see what Triple S and I look like these days too. And I've always liked getting ones from others... Do you guys want me to post it, so you can see it?
***
In case you are looking for a lullaby CD, this is the one we have. I don't know if it works for Beanie, but it puts me to sleep:
Chinese Lullabies by Beijing Angelic Choir (I bought it on Am@zon). This video has lyrics in the comments:
***
I went to the dentist today to get yet another cavity filled (I am cursed with bad teeth - I hope Bea gets her dad's teeth). Bea cried the whole time that the receptionist held her.
Attached much? I know she'll outgrow this phase, but it's a tough one. And I know it will be worth it, this little blip of demand, in the connection between mother and daughter. I want her to know that her mama is here for her, that I'll listen to tween pains and teen angst. She won't remember that when she was 8 months old, her mama was with her 24 hours a day. But I hope that she'll come to me with her troubles. That she'll know she can rely on me.
And she is quite adventurous at home. She scoots around everywhere, looking back periodically at me. With a winning smile. That melts my heart.
Sunday 17 March 2013
Friday 15 March 2013
Sisters
Wherever you are now Serenity, thank you, darling, for watching over and protecting your little sister, Beatriz.
xoxo
mama
xoxo
mama
Monday 11 March 2013
Quotable
"How blessed are some people, whose lives have no fears, no dreads; to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly, and brings nothing but sweet dreams." -Bram Stoker (1847-1912)
Thursday 7 March 2013
Out of shape
I feel like I am out of blogging shape! What to say? Where to start?
How about another kind of out of shape?
I am losing weight. This is definitely something I don't talk about IRL! I hate being out of shape!
Right now I am the weight at which I started Serenity's pregnancy. I never could lose the weight after Serenity's death - just too much else going on and eating way too much.
Now I am eating healthfully. I want to be a good example for Beanie, so I better get it right before she notices my bad habits and sedentary life.
I think the biggest thing that has made a difference is cutting out dairy. I am a total addict and love rich, fatty whole-milk yogurt and cheese, cheese cheese! Milk seemed to bother my stomach during the last third of Bea's pregnancy, so I stopped drinking milk, but was still eating yogurt and hard cheeses (thinking it was the lactose). But Bea has really bad spit up and I thought maybe I should really cut out dairy. Much to dh's surprise, that even includes butter. Yes, dear, really. No, dear, it's not a good idea to buy Julia Child's cookbook (we just saw Julie & Julia - the infertility parts were very nicely done) since everything uses ample amounts of butter and cream is right up there too.
I just realized last night (maybe two-three weeks after dairy-free) that Bea's cradle cap is gone. The spit up also seems better. And the eczema I have had for 15 years is lessening. I guess I should have cut out dairy when I cut out wheat, way back in '98...
The other thing I am doing that is helping me shed pounds is walking. Well, haven't gone yet this week due to other commitments and the fact that it is blazing hot out and thunderstorming IN THE MORNING! But, most days Bea, the mutt, and I go for a two-mile stroll around our nearby park. We walk by the pavilion where we had Serenity's memorial service. Seeing it produces a small pang, which is mitigated by knowing that summer concerts are held there, during which the place teems with life.
I think I should go to the YMCA on these warm days. But I just don't want to leave Bea at the tot watch! I'd be running up the stairs every 10 min.
I want to lose at least 15, maybe even 20, more pounds. And I want to do it before next July. I think I can, with the help of breastfeeding. Send me willpower!
How about another kind of out of shape?
I am losing weight. This is definitely something I don't talk about IRL! I hate being out of shape!
Right now I am the weight at which I started Serenity's pregnancy. I never could lose the weight after Serenity's death - just too much else going on and eating way too much.
Now I am eating healthfully. I want to be a good example for Beanie, so I better get it right before she notices my bad habits and sedentary life.
I think the biggest thing that has made a difference is cutting out dairy. I am a total addict and love rich, fatty whole-milk yogurt and cheese, cheese cheese! Milk seemed to bother my stomach during the last third of Bea's pregnancy, so I stopped drinking milk, but was still eating yogurt and hard cheeses (thinking it was the lactose). But Bea has really bad spit up and I thought maybe I should really cut out dairy. Much to dh's surprise, that even includes butter. Yes, dear, really. No, dear, it's not a good idea to buy Julia Child's cookbook (we just saw Julie & Julia - the infertility parts were very nicely done) since everything uses ample amounts of butter and cream is right up there too.
I just realized last night (maybe two-three weeks after dairy-free) that Bea's cradle cap is gone. The spit up also seems better. And the eczema I have had for 15 years is lessening. I guess I should have cut out dairy when I cut out wheat, way back in '98...
The other thing I am doing that is helping me shed pounds is walking. Well, haven't gone yet this week due to other commitments and the fact that it is blazing hot out and thunderstorming IN THE MORNING! But, most days Bea, the mutt, and I go for a two-mile stroll around our nearby park. We walk by the pavilion where we had Serenity's memorial service. Seeing it produces a small pang, which is mitigated by knowing that summer concerts are held there, during which the place teems with life.
I think I should go to the YMCA on these warm days. But I just don't want to leave Bea at the tot watch! I'd be running up the stairs every 10 min.
I want to lose at least 15, maybe even 20, more pounds. And I want to do it before next July. I think I can, with the help of breastfeeding. Send me willpower!
Sunday 3 March 2013
ah Sunday
Feeling better after the weekend.
Choralors at work helped perk me up - nice singing.
We went back to the Garden today to see them again!
But miss Bea seems to think naps are optional, well sleep in general is. I am blaming teeth. But it takes a lot of work to get her to sleep!
And I will miss some of the volunteers I work with quite a bit. The one guy has so many interesting stories from his life. But, soon I iwll be able to just go visit them - instead of working a full day!
Bea really likes the singing (She is probably thinking- oh, that is what the song is *supposed* to sound like - not how mama sings it!). I have to find some palces around here that have music during the day. Come January we will probably do a music program...
And we are so going to the gym this week. If she wants to work out by crying, well, that's her perogative. I need to go. At 10 the Y has a gym set up for the kids (after the gymanstic classes) so we will go to that.
Thanks for listening to me be worn out
Choralors at work helped perk me up - nice singing.
We went back to the Garden today to see them again!
But miss Bea seems to think naps are optional, well sleep in general is. I am blaming teeth. But it takes a lot of work to get her to sleep!
And I will miss some of the volunteers I work with quite a bit. The one guy has so many interesting stories from his life. But, soon I iwll be able to just go visit them - instead of working a full day!
Bea really likes the singing (She is probably thinking- oh, that is what the song is *supposed* to sound like - not how mama sings it!). I have to find some palces around here that have music during the day. Come January we will probably do a music program...
And we are so going to the gym this week. If she wants to work out by crying, well, that's her perogative. I need to go. At 10 the Y has a gym set up for the kids (after the gymanstic classes) so we will go to that.
Thanks for listening to me be worn out
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