I don't know if its for the lack of anything else to do, too much FB-ing, or just me questioning my self-worth again that I feel really sad and empty. Not that its anybody else's fault. But a hundred questions are actually running through my mind each and every time I hear of someone else in my circle (be it in my acquaintances side or friends side or simply batchmates in the N@W and W@W e-groups) getting pregnant for the second time. I mean second time because I surely won't be jealous of first timers. I have one pretty and loveable girl of my own and its the best source of happiness I can ever imagine.
So why do I feel sad? Jessica is turning three this coming May. Sometimes I think that I should just let nature take its course and stop taking the pill. God will surely bless us with another one if its the right time, and he will most likely shower us with more blessings, much as he did when jessica was born and hubby got his new job then. I guess I feel scared because right now there is really that uncertainty, what with me in between jobs and there's no defined job waiting for me yet, what if we get pregnant and life becomes too difficult? That's not questioning faith right, merely asking ourselves if its the right path to take.
Perhaps one of these days I will find the courage to stop taking the pill and move head-on, allowing God to shower us with another child at the right time.
A year ago if you ask us if we're ready, I'd say no, reason being I am not emotionally ready to give up some of the time for Jessica. But now that I gave her one year of an otherwise successful career, I feel that she can already adjust pretty much to a little brother or sister, and with lots of love to shower. Now its just a matter of crossing that bridge...
Just pouring my thoughts....
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