Worth 20 words

I was just looking at my most recent FaceBook profile pic.

I look happy.

It's a good look on me.

***

Inside is still a turmoil, at least at one point each day.  The grief from missing Serenity, the grief from my hospitalization.

Regrets.

Today, I tried to think of something from over the course of my life that I do NOT regret. Something that I can think that I did right.

I can honestly say I do not regret never having tried drugs. I don't know exactly why I never did. I used to say that I was the one kid that the 'eggs in the frying pan' commercial worked on.

And after seeing how I reacted to the narcotics during Serenity's delivery and the steroids prior to Bea's induction, I'd say its a good thing I never tried drugs. It seems my system is so finely balanced, or perhaps precariously balanced on the edge, that I react quite badly to these types of drugs.

So that's one non-regret stacked up against a litany of regrets that plays on a loop in my head.